Nurse, personal assistant, and occasionally, a mother.

I feel like I spend most of my time as a nurse, personal assistant, and occasionally, a mother. But I had a moment today when I thought "this is all worth it!" I had left the room to get Jaela some formula and when I walked back in the room and she saw me she got a big smile on her face! Luckily the camera was close by and I got a pretty good shot of her smile (note the devil horns).

My life has been pretty hectic the last couple of weeks. Jaela's feeding tube has fallen out numerous time (which causes an extreme amount anxiety seeing as how if we're pumping milk into her it could drown her). We did have a scare like that the other day. Her food pump was running and when I put Jaela down to change her diaper I noticed that her tube was nearly all the way out! I screamed for Jeremy and stopped her pump and yanked the tube out of her. Luckily after a few coughs she was ok. I've also been taking Jaela to appointment after appointment. We've had four this week alone. But I shouldn't be complaining. All I have to do is sit in the office. It's this little girl that has to be poked, prodded, and examined. Yet after the tears, a smile.




It's about time for another round of crazy hair-do pictures. Mostly these are naturally occurring, meaning Jeremy didn't have a hand in them :) And I must say they're pretty good!


So she did have help with this one. This is courtesy of auntie Ryan.


We got pig tails in her hair!! They look SO cute!


But just because Jeremy wasn't doing hair, doesn't mean he wasn't a tease...


I have to take a second and brag. Look at these cute shoes I made with my sister-in-law Melissa. She's so good at finding cute things to make!


I want to thank my cousin Stephanie for letting us borrow Jaela's new favorite toy. She loves any sort of motion and this swings in multiple directions and the toys spin and best of all, it keeps Jaela entertained so I can get things done (i.e. shower).


These next photos are entitled "Mommy got me stuck in my clothes.....


...but I don't care!"


Even though we have so much to be happy about and thankful for, I still find myself battling self-pity and what ifs. I sometimes still cry when I think of how hard her life is going to be. Sometimes it seems she'll be more familiar with hospitals and doctors than playgrounds and friends. And I know Jaela was supposed to come to us, but I still wonder exactly why the three of us are supposed to do this. Goodness, I wonder what it would be like to carry my baby around without having to drag an oxygen tank behind us. Yet with friends and family having lost children during pregnancy, I have to be extremely grateful that we didn't lose our Jaela. We still don't know how long we'll get to keep her for, but at least we have the chance to get to know our daughter. She really does make me and Jeremy SO happy! Our worlds just revolve around her.

On a final note, I want Jeremy to know how grateful I am that he is willing to take such good care of me and Jaela. He doesn't mind that the house is a mess when he gets home and he doesn't care that I'm still in my pajamas some days. He's so good to cook dinner and help me clean and never complain. He lets me cry on his shoulder when I'm sad, he'll tend Jaela during the night when I'm so tired. And one thing I have to be most grateful for is him being willing to go to work every day to make sure we have enough money to live and keep insurance. All our medical bills are rolling in, and as much as I'm mad at Humana for not paying for another RSV shot, I have to be glad that they paid most of our medical bills. I'm sure some of you may be wondering how much a month visit in the NICU is, so I'll just say the total is well into the six figure range. My delivery bill alone was more than we paid for our car! So Jeremy, thank you, we love you, we couldn't do this without you.